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The day people join your team, they show up on time, dressed appropriately, and ready to work.

Think of this as the OUTER JOIN – the outward sign of their joining.

We record this as their “start date.”

The OUTER JOIN is a great start, but it can’t stop there.

You must strive for the INNER JOIN – the inward, heartfelt connection with you and the team.

We don’t talk about it much, but if you’re observant, you can tell when it happens.

And in the same way, you can tell when it’s gone.

I’ve been in numerous relationships where the other person has lost their INNER JOIN.

It’s easy to see, though hard to admit. The song You’ve Lost That Lovin’ Feelin’ captures it perfectly.

If this happens when we’re married, we might get couples counseling to work through it.

And this saves lots of marriages. It rebuilds trusts, reconnects hearts, and forgives hurts.

But at work, where it’s weird to talk about our feelings, we might not know what to do.

So we do nothing… and the person leaves.

Or worse, they stay, and it feels like a loveless marriage.

Maybe we should find a way to talk about it.

What do we have to lose?

Hang in there, and talk to your team.


About Marcus Blankenship

Where other technical coaches focus on process or tools, I focus on the human aspects of your Programmer to Manager transition. I help you hire the right people, create the right culture, and setup the right process which achieves your goals. Managing your team isn't something you learned in college. In fact, my clients often tell me "I never prepared for this role, I always focused on doing the work". If you're ready to improve your leadership, process and team, find out how I can help you.

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