I am the epitome of dominant culture.

In my writing, I’ve been afraid of sharing too much of myself, sticking to safe topics and opinions, and trying not to offend anyone. Actually, now that I think about it, that’s how I’ve spent the past 54 years… 🙂

But I think, maybe, that time has come to an end. Or, something has changed.

Caveat: I’m not out to offend anyone – I’m just not going to avoid it anymore as often.

With that said, as Mic Jagger sings in Sympathy for the Devil said, “Please allow me to introduce myself…”

I’m a 54-year-old cisgender man who is white, straight, married, middle-income, well-educated, and post-religious (post-Christian). I work a white-collar tech management job for a well-known company. I’m a homeowner with three children and 2.5 grandchildren. I was raised in a white-collar family by religious parents who moved us to a safe neighborhood with good schools, and my mother didn’t work outside the home. All our neighbors looked like us, as did all my classmates. I had a computer when I was 12 years old, and I had the freedom to explore it.

I am college-educated, almost completing a degree in Software Engineering before switching and getting a Bachelor’s in Applied Psychology. I have worked in tech since 1995 and as a “manager” since 2001. I’ve been a programmer, manager, director, entrepreneur, start-up founder, agency partner, executive coach, leadership trainer, author, podcaster, blogger, YouTuber, and “invited speaker.”

And so, in most circles I find myself in, I’m credible, listened to, and given respect by default.

Hmm… can you smell the privilege? Ewww…

I don’t tell you this so you will trust me or to impress you.

It’s to warn you.

I am the epitome of the privileged dominant culture that centers itself so assuredly and confidently in Western culture – especially in tech.

So please understand that I am dangerous—and when I’m clueless, I cut the deepest.

And when I’m afraid of losing my status, I’m ruthless.

Sadly, and to my absolute dismay, I was completely clueless about this for 47 years.

I was all the phobics: homophobic, biphobic, transphobic, paganphobic, racist (covertly, of course), misogynistic, aporophobic… all of it. I was the king of pain; even if I didn’t hold up signs like the Westboro Baptist Church folkx do, I found lots of ways to judge and hate others. I honed my ability to hold at arm’s length the people who didn’t look, sound, smell, talk, think, spend, own, and perform like me.

Oh, and I was sooooooo smug about how right I was about everything.

So. Damn. Smug.

Now.. why am I telling you this?

And what does it have to do with you, dear reader and friend?

And what the f*** could it have to do with leadership (the point of this list, right)?

 

Well, before I tell you that, I must tell you this…

You certainly noticed that my narrative went from “I am” to “I was,” signaling a change occurred.

It did, and I’m glad it did, but it’s not complete. Never will be.

I won’t paint myself as the hero, glorify the journey, or try to convince you to join me. There’s already too many white men acting like they’re saving the world for me to stomach.

 

So, why I’m telling you this

First, it’s part of my history, part of who I was, who I am, and who I am becoming. And my telling you is scary as hell, but I’m too old and too hired to hide anymore. Life is too short to sanitize, and I felt a spark of bravery today. We’ll see how I feel after this goes out. 🙂

Second, this won’t connect with all of you, but it might connect with some of you. My goal isn’t empire-building – getting the most people on my list – but helping as many people as possible through true connections.

So, now you know a bit about me that not even some of my closest friends know. 🙂

 

What does it have to do with you?

Everything I write is colored with my own history and perspective – both the old and new ideas. Like it or not, I’ve been the oppressor. And, like it or not, unlearning takes time.

And I believe if you’re gonna read my stuff, you should know who’s writing it. The internet is a big place; be careful who you listen to.

Think about where you work: knowing the person you’re talking to makes all the difference in how you interpret what they say. We can’t meet face-to-face for coffee today, but I still want you to know important things about me.

 

What could it have to do with leadership?

Take my word on it: The people around you aren’t who they used to be. And they aren’t who they will become. And how you think about them matters a helluva lot.

When someone’s struggling at work, I can confidently ask them about times/roles/classes they excelled at. I can be confident that things haven’t always been this way. I can believe first-hand in their ability to change because I’ve changed. And, if it is helpful to them, I can share changes I’ve experienced.

In short, I can believe in the potential and possibility within them.

Of course, they might not believe in themselves—or they might not choose to make a change—but that doesn’t diminish my beliefs.

You might say that now I’m an optimistic humanist. I think more leaders would benefit from thinking this way, and I challenge you to consider how optimism plays a role in your leadership style and in how you lead your team.

Toss out the old objectifying language of “not a good fit,” “square peg in a round hole,” and “not cut out for it.” People change, adapt, and grow – it’s your job to notice and believe in them.

Oh, I guess I tried to convince you of something after all. :smiley-wink: